Honesty
by Trinityangel
Summary: Diana is being honest with herself. New 52 story about Superman and Wonder Woman. This will be an ongoing story giving me the chance to expand on Diana's interactions with Clark. Mostly fluff. Rating may change.
1. An Exercise

I do not need to be here. I do not need to be training, although there is nothing wrong with a little practice here and there, but we have been getting plenty of practice as of late. I am tired, I have files and briefs, and proposals I could be reviewing, my desk is probably overflowing in my absence, but instead I am here, in the League's training room, dripping sweat, trying anything and everything to distract my mind. No, in honesty let me rephrase. I am the keeper of the Hestia's lasso. If I cannot be honest with myself, then of what good can I do for the world? I am here because I am trying to distract my heart.

Just thinking it allows me to breathe a little easier…and just thinking that makes me feel a little…the first word that comes to mind is pathetic, though I know that is my mother's voice inside my head speaking and not my own. I do not feel pathetic, I feel…lost, which is probably why I'm here in the training room. Training I know. Matters of the heart, matters of _my own heart_, seem to be a bit more…complicated, shall we say. I should go home, but I know the best chance I have of casually running into him is here. Or so I think…I think. Aphrodite…Sister, what spell have you woven over me? I want to ignore these feelings, but I cannot. I want to do something else, think of something else, feel something else, but Sweet Hera, I cannot. My mind is a jumble of convoluted thoughts, jagged and fragile, slamming into one another and only further fracturing. I cannot _focus._

"Computer, end program, _now," _The computer obliges and the fist of a holographic foe disappears leaving behind a bot that is inches from my face. With a cry of frustration I drop my sword, wincing at how deep the tip gorges the floor. I must be careful. I am not a mortal free to take my frustrations out on a whim, I know this. I am held to a higher standard by those around me as well as by myself. I am Diana, Princess , Demi Goddess, I am…I am…a _mess._

I do not know whether to smile or scream and the sound that follows seems to be something that is an odd hybrid of them both. This whole training thing? It was a bad idea. I can't keep it together. Perhaps meditation was a better option.

_But…_That tiny voice coming from somewhere deep within my mind ripples to the surface, echoing, slicing through the chaos. _But he would not possibly stumble upon you were you in meditation…though you could meditate here and maybe…_

Again my mind is _racing_ with a million possibilities, all ending with the delicious weight of his lips covering mine. I am such a _mess._ Common sense has fled me leaving me behind as a stumbling, focus-less fool. Is this what women of this world experience on a regular basis? Is this what power lead my sisters to swear off men for the duration of their lengthy lives? So many questions. With a sigh, I give in to the ache in my legs and slide to the floor with the pretense of stretching, hoping it looks passable. Probably not. I probably look like the mess I am feeling…And over what? Over him.

Clark.

I have so many questions…So many unanswered questions…Am I supposed to feel this chaotic? I want to exhale and have the essence of him leave me, whatever part of him he has left with me, because surely, that must be why I feel the need to return to his side. I want to be freed from this constant lingering need for connection, causing me to relive and even create thoughts. I want my own thoughts in my head to reflect tasks and memories not related to him. I want…I want….I am a _liar.._I want none of this.

_Honesty, Diana, honesty is key. _

At the very least, I must be honest with myself. So with that, I stop fighting. What's the point? It is not as though I am making any progress. With that I allow myself to fall back against the floor, air pushing from my lungs in a rush as I finally grant myself permission to just let my mind go exactly where it wants. My heart, traitor that it is, is quick to follow. In a blink of an eye my mind's eye is filled with images, memories, dreams, desires, fantasies… It all comes rushing in with a warmth that starts somewhere in the middle of my chest and refuses to subside. Like the tide inevitably coming back to the shore…And with a smile, I'm swept away…


	2. Kiss

Kiss.

It wasn't the goal…then again, what was the goal? Diana isn't any surer now than she was then. She hadn't been looking for company, for validation, for anything really, if anything, she was looking for solace; a moment amidst the chaos to be alone. To, perhaps, become used to the feeling since it seemed to be what she was destined for, after all. A foreigner in a stranger land with stranger people. There were no sisters here to offer companionship, no familiar faces…Nothing.

Pity parties weren't healthy, but there was nothing wrong in wallowing in a reservation for one for a little while, right? That was, assuming the loneliness didn't suffocate her first, and with the way she was currently feeling it was a distinct possibility. The weight on her chest wasn't getting any lighter. Nothing like a little solitude candy coated in guilty. That was one of the positives of man's world, wasn't it? Everything was candy coated. Even the ice cream, and that was something she could get used to. Relationships however, were not.

_Diana? How's Steve?_

With a slight start Diana turned quickly, muscles sluggish but at attention. She hadn't even heard him coming. Stupid. What if he was someone else? Zeus only knew she was for now and always would be a walking target. At least she could defend herself, those she loved seemed to be another story…

_Angry._

Could she blame him? With all that he'd done for her and this was how she repaid him; with a dangerous situation that was every bit her own fault even if it was unintentionally. Not that that made anything better, because really, what did her intentions matter anyway? The road to hell was paved with the good ones…Funny, that saying seemed to cross cultures. That was about all that seemed to cross cultures…Everything was so convoluted.

The wind moved around them, catching strands of her hair, floating his cape. Maybe she was tired of the silence, or maybe…just maybe, she was tired of feeling so goddamn alone all the time. Whatever the reason, Diana's lips were moving.

_When I first came here from Paradise Island, I was shocked to see that __**men**__ and __**women**__ weren't at war like I'd grown up believing. They were in relationships. For a short time I thought their relationships were simple. If they liked one another, they were together. But I couldn't have been more __**wrong.**_

As the silence punctuated her words, she took a moment to wonder just when her soft tone had turned so bitter. An empty, hollow feeling seemed to be swelling in her chest as even now, she was trying her best, using every advantage that Athena had granted her to understand the complexities of relationships. How had everything gone so wrong?

_Relationships are complicated. For us, even more so. I have another identity._

Diana let out another small sigh as his words echoed her thoughts. Somehow she'd been hoping that maybe he, being of this world would have an answer, a puzzle piece that perhaps she'd been missing. Unfortunately, she was wrong. His voice, however, was a welcome disruption from her thoughts and the thought that maybe, just maybe, she was alone in this problem.

_The reporter? _

Diana's blue eyes glanced over, curiosity piqued. She'd always wondered why he felt the need for an alias.

_My name's Clark Kent._

Interesting. The name held no meaning to her. It didn't seem particularly embellished, nor did he seem to be named after anyone of importance that she knew of. Did that mean it was plain? Was he hiding?

_Why do you have an identity like that?_

Why would he be anyone but himself? It didn't make sense.

_I grew up with it. And I kept it once Superman came on the scene. To protect the people I'm close to._

To protect the people he was close to... It seemed so simple. But really, how in the world could a man of his stature, a man who had more in common with a god blend in with men? For a second she wanted to laugh. Even without the forgiving light of Apollo and under the harsh light of Selene, he was still something to behold. He was tall, imposing, strong, he exuded confidence and mystery and his looks could have been chiseled from marble…where had that come from?

_And it's worked?_

Closing her eyes a moment to refocus her thoughts, Diana hoped her voice didn't sound as incredulous to him as it had to her. But really, how could she not question the notion. His face gave nothing away.

_I don't know. I still have to keep secrets from __**everyone. **__So how close I am to __**anyone **__is debatable. _

His voice gave everything away. In that moment he was nothing of what she first described… Superman…_Clark _turned out of the light and back to the shadows. The glow faded leaving behind just a man. How quickly they could all fall…The seemingly invulnerable man seemed oddly…vulnerable. Somewhere in her chest the ache settled a little deeper, seeping further down until even her marrow felt hollow.

_We're not like Zeus, but we're not like __**them,**__ either._

Outsider, foreigner, danger to others. Everything but what she wanted to be.

_We're not like anyone._

He wanted it too, didn't he? To feel something beyond this endless loneliness…anything. What Diana wouldn't have given, in that moment, to feel like she was a part of something. She was an Amazon half a world from home, a princess without a kingdom, a woman without… Again her chest gave a sharp pull, tightening until breathing wasn't feeling anywhere near as natural as it should have. Each inhale took effort…so much effort. This had to be what drowning felt like, knowing there was air somewhere and yet knowing that every breath you took only brought you further away from it.

_People like us are really alone, aren't we? Do you ever feel alone?_

The words left her lips little more than a whisper, but she knew he heard her.

_Of course, I…do._

Diana wasn't sure if it was just the desperation or if it was knowing that her desperation was shared that started the connection. She wasn't sure if he was the one moving toward her or if she was the one being drawn to him. All she knew was that the warmth coming from his skin was like a beacon, the only thing keeping her from crashing and splitting against the rocks. For all the world around them, the cool night air, the brightness of the moon, the glittering of the stars, and more importantly the loneliness, it was all forgotten.

This was not her first kiss. She and Steve had shared their fair share of kisses. Diana was also fairly certain it would not be her last. The sensation though still new, was an enjoyable one and one she hoped to feel again, but she'd never, ever even dared to hope it would feel like this. His lips were soft, softer than she'd imagined and so gentle. So very gentle, maybe even a little…hesitant? It was too late to turn back. Like a woman in the desert finding her first drop of water, Diana was ready to drink it all in. Her hands wound their way up his body, slipping in to his hair and holding him there. His hesitancy melted away and his hands held tightly to her shoulders. Not that she minded. At all. Something within her was easing, it was lifting… This was…this was heaven, it was…_air. _

Perhaps more than that…it was a beginning, and dear gods above, it was terrifying.

(*Italics are mostly dialogue from Justice League 12)


	3. Fear

She should have known better. Diana knew the stories of the gods, her unruly newly discovered siblings, well. It was well known that people did the dumbest things, angered everyone, started war, alienated family, destroyed entire nations over love, or what they perceived was love.

Having felt only the love that comes with having sisters and a mother who held her best interest in high regard, Diana may have missed the beginning symptoms. Had it been there with Steve? Honestly, she wouldn't even have known what to look for. In retrospect, she realized that she had every right to be terrified of these new feelings, even if she went back and forth with trying to convince herself that terror was a little over the top. With this new massive and all-encompassing feeling she should have been terrified both with what she was feeling and what she knew of love. The logical choice would have been to run screaming in the other direction, but curious little Diana, she hadn't. She'd instead pushed back in the face of fear, facing it. Well not necessarily in the beginning. In the beginning she'd slipped her toes in the water and though there was a distinct lack of screaming, then she'd ran. Even now, with where they were, the thought of running seemed to always slip back in as an actual option. Back and forth the scales tipped, from terror to elation, from frustration to contentment, over and over and over. No wonder people went absolutely and utterly insane for love. It was dangerous.

Yes, maybe she could have handled things better that night, but hindsight was twenty-twenty and for an Amazon warrior used to staring down foes in battles, the fact that the simple touch of a man's lips had sent her spiraling into fight or flight, seemed understandably frightening…

Hands in his hair, his hands against her waist, kneeling between his knees, she felt ensconced somewhere safe. Not just physically safe, but…it was a hard feeling to find the words for. Athena's eloquence was failing her even now. That first feeling of not only being seen, but heard, and perhaps understood, it was overwhelming. Her heart was rampaging within her chest; each pounding beat resonating in her ears as it tried to crack through her ribs, her stomach had twisted itself into knots and was practically trying to crawl up her throat. None of this was familiar. Or rather what had been familiar suddenly turned strange. Save for his scent. That she knew. He smelled like green things. Like growth, like a brilliant summer day, and a bit like the sea. It wasn't overpowering, nor as strong as the salt sent that wafted from Arthur, but it was something different, something fresh, and revitalizing. The rest of it was absolute, complete and utter chaos. Beneath her lips he was morphing of his own accord into something…something undefinable. A friend, someone with which her deepest secrets would be safe, but something more; Superm-Clark was something more. Right? Was he? Could he? Was this? Were they?

Complete and utter shutdown. Just like that, her mind was through. Short circuited by the lack of understanding, and overloaded by all that it was trying to analyze. It was actually perfect timing, because for the next few seconds, as her system tried to reboot, Diana was allowed time to _feel. _This was not her first kiss, but it was different. With Steve she would take such care, keep such control. _Easy,light, careful, _was the mantra. Keep touches light, keep your kisses careful, your hold easy. Lessons taught from the second her strength was discovered flashed red lights behind her barely closed eyes: _RESTRAINT RESTRAINT RESTRAINT. _It was all so much sometimes, she was left trembling. Yet in that moment, there were no flashing red lights, no warnings blaring across her mind, everything was blessedly silent. Peace. The trembling started again, but without the warnings her grip tightened. She should have stopped, but her brain was still trying to unscramble itself. Instead, with a mind of its own, her hands tightened around him, and he didn't break, he simply sighed and pulled her closer. The kiss deepened, layers seemed to slide away until all she could taste was raw and needy and…_oh shit _(to borrow one of Steve's favorite phrases). Air beckoned. She wasn't sure when her body stopped responding to even its most basic needs, but it had, and the burning in her chest seemed to serve as both a reminder and a shift back into functioning.

He was pulling back and so was she, her heart still ricocheting, drowning out most everything. Think, she couldn't think. What were they doing? What was this? How did? Were they?

_Diana, I…_

Complicated. Everything was always so _complicated. _Here it came. The…the…the _everything else. _ The I'm sorry, the I can't do this, if he was going to reject her she couldn't take it. She just _could not._ On top of everything else today, in light of Steve, of everything, even of this kiss; one more thing and Diana wasn't sure she'd even be able to stand. He was going to take this, wasn't he? It was a mistake. Like Steve, like coming here in the first place! It was all a complicated, messy, stupid, idiotic mistake. What was she thinking, putting herself out there again? _Stupid. _Quickly, before she did something else ridiculous, Diana stood, shattering the spell, leaving the safety of his company. Overwhelmed, overwrought, simply _over it_, she stood and slammed her defenses back in place so fast she almost lost a finger. Too much, this was too much. She wanted a lot of things, a hug, a laugh, a friend, hell, even another kiss. What she needed to do to ignore the way her heart was racing, the way it felt so good to reach out and find another reaching for you. But what if the racing heart was only her own, what if he was everything she was warned about, what if the only one reaching was her? Were those backwards? Did she need what she wanted and only wanted what she needed? Too much. Retreat was so tempting. So very easy.

_I need to go_

Coward.


End file.
